So I had a whole stack of Dr. Sears books, that book The Wonder Weeks that was (unfortunately) everywhere five years ago, and the like. A few weeks in to my son’s life, I added several books on sleep to the pile. (HA! He didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost three, but that’s another story). But here’s something that a lot of people may not tell you: sometimes, the books just aren’t the answer. They can only tell you so much, they assume a whole lot of things, they’re only geared toward typical children who fit a certain mold and trajectory, and children…well, children are notorious for doing their own thing. My child didn’t fit the mold. The books, those weekly emails that parenting sites send you that correspond with your child’s age — all of them just didn’t apply after a certain point. And all that did was make me feel like crap. Pretty early on, I decided to ditch the baby parenting books. Parenting has been one big exercise in surrender, and this was an early lesson.
The Toddler Years
But then come the toddler years, and there’s a whole new set of parenting books available. Potty training, school readiness…ah, the world of competitive parenting sets in. Sometimes I would get one and would be quickly reminded why I stopped reading them. Again, they assume a lot of things about children and their development, and many are surprisingly rigid in what they see as “within normal limits” of development. I found many of them to be surprisingly non-inclusive in many ways, and again, decided to stop reading them. Where were the parenting books for the parents who only used the hashtag #blessed ironically? Where were the parenting books for single parents? Or parents who worked full-time and loved their job, but didn’t have all day to do all the things we were apparently “supposed” to be doing? How about the parenting books for the parents who, many days, were so exhausted that the best part of their day sometimes was when their kid went to bed? Thankfully, five years into my experience of motherhood, there are more of these books being published. The parenting books I gravitate to tend to be a mix of irreverent memoir and humor, as well as practical but accessible advice that is blessedly judgment-free and downright honest. If this is the kind of parenting book you’d like, too, check these out. If you’re looking for even more parenting books and memoirs, the posts How to Raise a Human: 50 Must-Read Parenting Books for All Parents and Books About Parenting That Tell It Like It Is are full of great ideas.
